I stared at the wall in front of my desk, trying not to feel too discouraged.
The truth was that I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I had been in Oklahoma studying Cherokee for a few weeks, and I thought by now it might be getting a little easier instead of harder. Yet for every answered question, seemingly five more popped up, all more confusing than the last. I tried to focus, but all I could think was, “What are you doing here? You’re not even that good at this. Why are you putting yourself through this?”
“I’m here because God wants me here,” wasn’t really cutting it for me that day. When I heard Brynn crying from our room I jumped at the chance to think about something else and hurried to get her
back to sleep. As I picked her up, her head went down on my shoulder and she quieted. The silence was soothing and restful. I soaked it up, thanking Jesus for the little girl in my arms, and the fact that He loved her more than I did.
Suddenly I pictured an African woman, cradling her baby in her arms as I cradled mine. Shushing and soothing her, hoping for the best for her sweet baby; all while living in fear of angry spirits
that do not love or want the best for her child. Perhaps one day, because of what I was doing now, she would be able to have that same hope for her child that I had. I put my sleepy baby back in bed and marched back to the computer, thankful that God graciously gave me another reason to focus, even though the first should have been enough.
The image of that woman and her child came back to me many times while we were down in OK. “What are you doing here?” I’m here because God wants me here. “You’re not even good at this.” God can use whatever I give to Him. “Why are you putting yourself through this?” Because I have hope, and I want her to have the chance at it too.
Blessings, Michael & Stacy