So very many things have gone through my head over the last couple of months as I have gone through the process of buying my house.  There have been many intensely emotional moments as the exhaustion and stress and overwhelming number of details got to me.  The highs and lows have been unbelievable!  It’s been a great learning experience though.

One thing that God has impressed upon me over and over is how unworthy I am of all God has and is doing; things relating to the house are just the current example.  There are moments when I feel so overwhelmingly unworthy, and it makes me feel incredibly loved that God chooses to pour out His blessings in such ways.  Other times I experience those same feelings of unworthiness and it just leaves me feeling plain unworthy…and not in a good way.  Who am I that God would even bother with such blessings?  I don’t deserve any of it, why me?  I repeatedly fail God, doubt Him, and just don’t do a good job of representing Him and He still does things for me that are completely unnecessary.  When I compare His amazing perfection to all my failures, I just want to crawl in a hole because I feel so worthless.  There was one point in particular the beginning of April that I was swinging from one side of unworthiness (loved and cherished) to the other (just plain worthless) multiple times in just two days.  Rather than just trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps and focus on the good, I actually took time to mentally explore all I was feeling on both ends.  I came away realizing that only by seeing and acknowledging the depth of our unworthiness can we truly appreciate the magnitude of our worthiness bestowed on us through Jesus Christ.  Both ends of the pendulum swing are simultaneously true (another example of God’s mind boggling truths).

I also came away appreciating in a fresh way how God blesses us just because He delights in doing so.  All the things God does in my life, big or small, are because He wants to, not because I deserve it.  I realized long ago that each emotion we are capable of experiencing is just a shadowy fraction of what God is capable of feeling. The enjoyment that I feel in giving a gift to one of my friend’s little ones, the delight I take in their enjoyment of it, is a glimpse of what God experiences as He daily pours out His blessings on me.  It also makes me realize anew how much I want to relish each of those gifts from God and communicate my joy to Him.  I enjoy giving things to someone I love simply because I love them even if they don’t express much joy or gratitude; my joy is multiplied when they are thrilled by my gift and my show of love and express that to me.  I would continue giving them things and doing things for them even if they never communicated any response because such giving is a natural outpouring of the love I have for them; my giving is not about gratifying myself through their response, but rather an expression of my love.  God will continue to pour out blessings on me whether I acknowledge His gifts or not, but our relationship will be greatly enriched when I see each gift for what it is and revel in the love it represents.  Each day as I work on getting my house ready, as I see the big and small things that God continually gives me, I want to revel in the fact that I am so unworthy and yet so loved!

Check out this new video of the Easter Story as told by a Moi believer!  What things do you notice that he emphasizes as he tells it?

As I delve more and more into a Chronological approach to the Bible, the more I see it as a unified book, the story of God’s Epic, passionate pursuit of relationship with man.  As I see the Old Testament flowing seamlessly into the New Testament, I find so much depth to Easter Weekend!  As we celebrate our Risen Savior this weekend, take a couple minutes to watch this great music video.

This is one of those blog posts that to be honest I don’t even know where to start!  As many of you know, I think in pictures, so forgive my illustration if that isn’t how you think!  In our Christian life it seems that God has many different ways of teaching us things.  Sometimes as we are making decisions, the best thing to do is just pray that God will make the way clear…if a particular path is not what God wants ask Him to close the doors, and if it is what He wants ask Him to throw them so wide open that there will be no doubt.  Sometimes such a prayer results in slammed doors, or doors that are cracked open and our journey of faith is to walk through those open ones, no matter how small the crack.  Other times, however, God blows the doors off the hinges to clear the way…this is one of those times.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been considering the idea of moving toward buying a house off campus (still nearby of course).  Last fall we had to ask five of our married student couples to move off campus so that we would have any room at all to house married students for our freshman class.  It’s a good problem to have, but a problem none the less.  I’m living in an apartment on campus that could be used for such married housing.  I’m just not okay with taking up that space long term when there are students who need it!  As I was out of ministry a couple years ago to raise my support, I began looking toward the eventual goal of buying a house, and what finances would have to be in place to allow that to happen.  Realistically, it looked like such a step would still be another two to five years down the road…until about three weeks ago.

Houses around the school here go on the market occasionally, and I always keep my eyes open.  One house in particular has been on the market for three years.  I looked at the price last year, and knew there was no way it was possible.  As I drove by in mid-February, “something” prompted me to check again.  The price had dropped by 30%.  I went and looked at the house, and really liked it; it’s so much more than I would have even dared to hope for in this area of Waukesha (taxes are high, and the houses often small).  Thus began a whirlwind journey of asking God what He wanted.  To make a long story short, I didn’t have the money saved yet to be able to make a down payment, didn’t think there was any way I could qualify for a decent loan, and the whole idea seemed generally impossible.  Then God stepped in.  I gathered a prayer group around my decision process, and started to explore the options.  I must say, I spent the next weeks dreaming in numbers!  We specifically prayed that God would make the path I was to take abundantly clear.  I could spend hours telling you the many ways, big and small, that God has made the path clear.  All that to say, I am under contract on the house, and plan to close on April 23rd!

I must say, this is an equally exciting and terrifying thing for me.  I know without a doubt that this is where God is taking me, but when I re-worked my budget to account for the expenses of having a house and mortgage and then changed my recommended support levels, I went from a safe 88% support level to 47% in a matter of hours.  I will need to raise about $2400 more each month to cover all the house related expenses as well as increased taxes and fees that come with the increased income.  I also need to raise around $20,000 to cover down payment, closing, and other such costs.  God is already doing some pretty cool things in those areas, but we’re definitely not there yet.  I would greatly appreciate your prayers for all the details involved, as well as the financial side of things.  If you are interested in some of the financial details, head to my “Give” page—I’ve updated it to explain what’s going on with the house.

This has been a God sized topic from the start.  I’m a fixer by nature and I tend to try to find ways to make God’s plan work out.  This time, from the first moment, all I could do was stand back, cross my arms, and say, “Okay God, how are you going to pull this one off????”  It’s been a stretch for me to let go of my tendency to fix things and allow God to show me the details…but it’s been amazing!  This house so perfectly suits me, my personal needs, and offers a huge potential for ministry opportunities with our students.  I look forward in the coming days to telling you more about how God “pulled this one off.”

I’ve had the opportunity a couple times this month to teach the class for our adult Faith Foundations groups at church.  After being a part of writing the curriculum, it’s been so much fun to teach these foundational truths!  A couple weeks ago I taught on Forgiveness, and today was Transformation: the power of the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life.  The groups have all done their study through the week, but it’s the speaker’s challenge to give a summary/application of the concept that will make it stick!  With the help of my lamp I explained us as connected to our power source (the Spirit) to shine the light of Christ to those around us.  We can try and try to reach out with that light to people we see, but we’re limited to the length of that cord.  If I try to walk further with my lamp or unscrew the bulb, I loose my power connection and my light is no longer shining.  It’s only with God’s strength working through me that I can do something as unusual as unscrew the bulb and still carry that light (look ma, no cords!) out into our world.  It comes down to the fact that it’s all about Him, it always has been, and when I acknowledge that fact God is able to accomplish amazing things through me!

Just finishing up my last couple of appointments here in Canada! Headed home tomorrow after almost a month away. It’s been a great week here meeting one-on-one with students and staff to train them on using the many media tools available for effective communication with partners!

It can be such a challenge to figure out how to sum up a year in a single page…I think I’d have to call this a year of adjustments.  Not that adjustments are necessarily a bad thing!  The past year has been one of some health challenges, some family excitement, and a morphing job description.  Overall, I look back over the last year and marvel at the grace of God.  Life can be such a challenge, (and it usually is), but my God is a faithful God Who is always there every step of the way.  He is a God of hope, and since He is always with me I am never without hope.  Through the joys and pains, laughter and tears, I am never hopeless.  This Christmas and coming year my prayer for you is that you may experience this God of hope in a fresh, new way.  Merry Christmas!

If you did not receive a paper copy of my Christmas newsletter, or are looking for another, CLICK HERE to open a PDF version of it.

We jokingly refer to life here at the school as our bubble…we live, work, and eat at the same place, and sometimes it feels like we live in a bubble.  It’s always an exciting thing when we are able to find life outside the bubble!

2011 has brought some exciting developments for my life outside the bubble, especially through my church.  Late last year through a series of “God circumstances” I ended up helping write lessons for a curriculum series that was in development at the church.  That blossomed into further writing opportunities as well as some chances to do large group speaking.  I got the chance in March to be part of a Passover experience speaking team that presented to several hundred women over two days.  During the summer and on into the fall I’ve been part of a team writing a small group curriculum called Faith Foundations; our church is using the books for people interested in Christianity or those early in their faith.  For the first book in the series one of the chapters I wrote was the one presenting the Gospel.  The first weekend in December I got to hear testimony from three people who have accepted Christ as Savior through this series, and I’ve heard of more since.  About 50 people took the first section of the series, and they start book two in January.  I got to write three chapters for book two, including the one on Grace.  I spend so much of my ministry life on the discipleship side of the Great Commission that I’ve often struggled with finding my place in the evangelism side.  Through this project, I feel like I’m finally finding where the gifts God has given me fit in the big picture of evangelism.  I must say, I felt like a proud mamma listening to these new believers give testimony of their faith.  I’ve also made some great new friendships through this journey, and it’s been an incredible blessing.

This year my small group girls that I’ve been with for three years are in their finally elementary year.  I can’t believe they’re fifth grade already!  It’s a bittersweet feeling as I look at how much they’ve grown in their faith these last years.  It’s such a privilege to be a part of it.  Pray for wisdom as I consider what God would have me to do with this area next year.

After last year’s diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue, this year has been one of figuring out my limits and how to best manage life.  I had a bout in late spring with a recurring infection, and ended up fighting a kidney infection all through June.  July was busy with the wedding, and then August was straight into school year preparations.  September is always insanely busy with the new semester, and by the end of the month I realized how much we needed to make some changes to keep me functioning normally.

I’m continually grateful for the wonderful doctors I have here.  I was able to go to the different specialists and explain the problems I was having with the current treatments and they were more than willing to work with me to find a new plan that works.  The past couple months have been ones of trial and error as we figure out what gives me the best results with the fewest side effects, but I’m greatly encouraged with where things are now.  I’m enjoying energy levels that I haven’t had for the last year, and I’m finally settling into what my limits are and finding ways to work within them.

As always, God has been faithful through it all.  I’m so glad He is a God that can handle our ups and downs, that He’s big enough to handle our anger, questions, and fears, ever willing to just hold us until we are spent and ready to let Him work.  It’s been amazing to see how God is able to use what I’ve dealt with physically to encourage others who are just starting the process.  I know God has a plan even if I never see it, but it’s such a privilege to get a little glimpse into the fact that part of why I go through these things is to be able to more effectively help others.