Josh and Faye Butler Serving with NTM As I write this blog i wonder if the title i have chosen is in fact accurate. Its hard to decide because in our American culture i would definitely classify this wedding as “failed.” My reasoning behind this is that if the wedding doesn’t end in a marriage than it did not succeed but this my be just my thought. I question whether or not this was failed because of the many smiling faces afterwards. this could very well be another step in the way a marriage happens here in PNG.
So let me explain the day. It started in the morning with buying food for the wedding. much like in America where we expect to be fed once the wedding is done. Our food consisted of chickens, lamb flaps, pork, kaukau, many types of bananas, tapioc and various greens. I was fortunate to be able to carry the chickens on our 1.5 mile trek.
Yes the chickens are very much alive and they very much stink. On the trek we carried all the food and Noah walked the entire way. needless to say he was pretty tired by the end of it. When we arrived the place was filled with all of the family of the bride. This is the family line that we have been spending a considerable amount of time and is also the one that announced to everyone, at the funeral we attended a while back, that we are family. So the relation to us and this wedding is that the bride would be Faye and my self’s sister.
What happens is the brides side of the family readies a mumu for the grooms side of the family. this usually starts around 8 or 9 in the morning and is ready by late afternoon. At which time the grooms family will arrive. Now everyone on the brides side of the family (including aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, parents and grandparents) will bring some food and also will be involved in preparing it. Faye helped with peeling all the kaukau and I helped with cutting up the pig.
We Spent all day preparing the food and laying out logs which would be used as chairs for the much awaited grooms family. Once the food was cooked they laid out a tarp which would be in the middle of the two families. this would be the place where the bride and her female relatives would sit. It was a really neat symbolic pictures as she was now sitting in-between the two families. When she gets married she is in fact leaving her family to become a part of another family. I remember in my wedding that i got the sense that two families were being joined but this is not what was happening here. Rather she was leaving her family. When she would leave she would be given a new name most the time. usually a name that is from the grooms family line.
now all this food that was prepared would go to the grooms family and let me say it wasn’t a little am0unt. Now during the wedding the bride will wait in the middle as the two family lines discuss the “bride price.” The bride price is something that is given by the grooms family to the family of the bride. Depending on the bride and the groom the price will vary. For example one woman who is educated, who is a teacher and from the eastern highlands province could cost 40,000 kina plus 100 chickens 10 pigs countless bilums and meri blouses. This is not out of the ordinary and not looked at as being ridiculous. rather this is the way of life and is expected. At this wedding they were asking for 10,000 kina and this price had been discussed previously 3 times.
When the grooms family arrived they sat and listened as the brides side as they restated the price as well as thanking them for coming. The grooms family previously came a month before where they had offered 3,000 kina for the bride price and were rejected because they wanted at least 7,000 kina. they preferred 10,000 kina but would take 7,000 which is another way of life. That is you set a price, the person offers less, you lower your price and then they either pay or offer less and you will eventually come to a mutually excepted price.
Well the grooms family heard what they wanted and were then allowed time to discuss what they would offer. They responded with 4,000 kina. This did not go over well. The father was not happy and the village leaders were not going to accept this. The grooms family would not offer anymore since she did not have a complete education. the brides family was mad because her education was stopped because the soon to be husband had relations with her while she was in school. The discussions continued and eventually grew to the point where the father ended discussions by giving a bowl of food to the grooms family and told them that thus was only half of what they were going to get since they only offered half the bride price. He told them that when they came back with the rest of the bride price they would receive the rest. On top of that he took the other half and split it between an official that was there and my family.
In the end the bride stayed because they did not meet the requirments for her bride price. They will come again and hopefully will have enough that will be acceptable. Wonder what it is like for the groom who is not there and has no real part in this ceremony. What would it be like to see your family come home with out your wife. After everything was settled they still gave them the food that was on the mat and we all ate our portions as well. Karis enjoyed this part more than anyone else.
For more pictures check out this link http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150552416063944.403194.787338943&type=1&l=639116a338