Josh and Faye Butler Serving with NTM A failed wedding
As I write this blog i wonder if the title i have chosen is in fact accurate. Its hard to decide because in our American culture i would definitely classify this wedding as “failed.” My reasoning behind this is that if the wedding doesn’t end in a marriage than it did not succeed but this my be just my thought. I question whether or not this was failed because of the many smiling faces afterwards. this could very well be another step in the way a marriage happens here in PNG.
So let me explain the day. It started in the morning with buying food for the wedding. much like in America where we expect to be fed once the wedding is done. Our food consisted of chickens, lamb flaps, pork, kaukau, many types of bananas, tapioc and various greens. I was fortunate to be able to carry the chickens on our 1.5 mile trek.
Yes the chickens are very much alive and they very much stink. On the trek we carried all the food and Noah walked the entire way. needless to say he was pretty tired by the end of it. When we arrived the place was filled with all of the family of the bride. This is the family line that we have been spending a considerable amount of time and is also the one that announced to everyone, at the funeral we attended a while back, that we are family. So the relation to us and this wedding is that the bride would be Faye and my self’s sister.
What happens is the brides side of the family readies a mumu for the grooms side of the family. this usually starts around 8 or 9 in the morning and is ready by late afternoon. At which time the grooms family will arrive. Now everyone on the brides side of the family (including aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, parents and grandparents) will bring some food and also will be involved in preparing it. Faye helped with peeling all the kaukau and I helped with cutting up the pig.
We Spent all day preparing the food and laying out logs which would be used as chairs for the much awaited grooms family. Once the food was cooked they laid out a tarp which would be in the middle of the two families. this would be the place where the bride and her female relatives would sit. It was a really neat symbolic pictures as she was now sitting in-between the two families. When she gets married she is in fact leaving her family to become a part of another family. I remember in my wedding that i got the sense that two families were being joined but this is not what was happening here. Rather she was leaving her family. When she would leave she would be given a new name most the time. usually a name that is from the grooms family line.
now all this food that was prepared would go to the grooms family and let me say it wasn’t a little am0unt. Now during the wedding the bride will wait in the middle as the two family lines discuss the “bride price.” The bride price is something that is given by the grooms family to the family of the bride. Depending on the bride and the groom the price will vary. For example one woman who is educated, who is a teacher and from the eastern highlands province could cost 40,000 kina plus 100 chickens 10 pigs countless bilums and meri blouses. This is not out of the ordinary and not looked at as being ridiculous. rather this is the way of life and is expected. At this wedding they were asking for 10,000 kina and this price had been discussed previously 3 times.
When the grooms family arrived they sat and listened as the brides side as they restated the price as well as thanking them for coming. The grooms family previously came a month before where they had offered 3,000 kina for the bride price and were rejected because they wanted at least 7,000 kina. they preferred 10,000 kina but would take 7,000 which is another way of life. That is you set a price, the person offers less, you lower your price and then they either pay or offer less and you will eventually come to a mutually excepted price.
Well the grooms family heard what they wanted and were then allowed time to discuss what they would offer. They responded with 4,000 kina. This did not go over well. The father was not happy and the village leaders were not going to accept this. The grooms family would not offer anymore since she did not have a complete education. the brides family was mad because her education was stopped because the soon to be husband had relations with her while she was in school. The discussions continued and eventually grew to the point where the father ended discussions by giving a bowl of food to the grooms family and told them that thus was only half of what they were going to get since they only offered half the bride price. He told them that when they came back with the rest of the bride price they would receive the rest. On top of that he took the other half and split it between an official that was there and my family.
In the end the bride stayed because they did not meet the requirments for her bride price. They will come again and hopefully will have enough that will be acceptable. Wonder what it is like for the groom who is not there and has no real part in this ceremony. What would it be like to see your family come home with out your wife. After everything was settled they still gave them the food that was on the mat and we all ate our portions as well. Karis enjoyed this part more than anyone else.
For more pictures check out this link http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150552416063944.403194.787338943&type=1&l=639116a338
Tags: New Tribes Mission, ntm
roadblocks are a good thing???
after i heard this i knew i had to share so it should be brief.
Yesterday i had another language evaluation. During the language evaluation i was discussion how a group of young adults (about 20 or so) chopped down a tree and laid it across the road. Whenever a car came they would then make the driver pay in order for them to move the tree for them. In this case the tree was really only branches no thicker than 3 inches and easily something we could drive right over. But the problem lays in the fact that many of them are most likely holding rocks and if you value intact windows you shouldn’t drive through without paying. Most the time you will pay something around 5-10 kina ($2-5). We ended up giving 2 kina after they said that we could go for free.
Know during my story i called the young adults “raskols” which is the equivalent to a thief or someone who is trying to do something bad. As soon as i said that i was corrected by a local who informed me they were not raskols. I asked why he thought they weren’t raskols and he said that that they didnt have guns and they weren’t wearing masks. Also they were just trying to make some money because they probably have no money.
In his eyes they were not bad people they had simply found a way to make some money. Infact we should view it as that and by not giving them money we are not making the situation better in fact we are putting our lives in danger. (yep he said that by not paying we might get hurt) Even though if they were to get caught by the cops they could possibly get shot for doing it and that they could possibly hurt you if you don’t pay, they aren’t bad people.
I guess if there were no standards for right and wrong then this would be ok. Really when people say that rights and wrongs are established by society they are opening themselves up to a world that they will not like. I am glad to know that are standards of right and wrong good and evil; are not established by ourselves but rather by God.
I will court you
Have you ever had someone tell you, “I will take you to court if you…” Well I hadn’t up until now. I’ll explain.
In the Highlands of PNG the culture is very heavy on shame. What this means is you never want to cause some to feel shamed or to put shame on someone or something of the likes. For example if you were to allow some to be ashamed in a public setting you would end up looking as the bad guy. Think about or current election process. When you watch T.V. what you see is alot of candidates bringing up situations that are intended to cause shame to come upon the other candidate. often times the shame is the only thing that is brought to attention. People will remember what was said about him but few will think less of the person who said it. If that were to happen in PNG the person who intentionally shamed the other person would be disliked.
So here in PNG we have to be intentional in never naming a person when giving an example or talking about something that could potentially allow shame to come to that person. Most of my stories to other local’s include me saying “one person or a guy” and they will often ask “who is it?” and if you follow up by saying “oh just a guy.” you will actually earn more trust as they know they can talk to you without fear of you telling someone else what they said. This has became more evident as i spend more time with my language helper. through out our time he has witnessed me protect the identity of several people in my conversations and each time after he has decided to divulge more of his culture that has been hidden.
Our last conversation we spent a long time talking about the true culture of the highlanders. In which he explained why they hide who they are from us (non locals). It’s because they know what we believe and they know that we don’t believe what they do. This causes them enormous shame and rather than being shamed for believing something different they will often skirt around the issue. This is, in their minds, allowing for a relationship void of shame. However in order to do so the true depths of who they are has to remain hidden from us, which will never allow for a relationship that reaches to the deepest levels. After he finished telling me why they hide their beliefs he followed it up by “YOU MUST NEVER TELL ANYONE WHAT I TELL OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO COURT” By now many of my conversations with fellow missionaries had involved discussing the various things that he has told me. Not wanting to allow for a future catastrophe I wanted to clarify with him that I had talked with my co-workers about some things.
Well this nearly became a loss of a relationship. He was not thrilled with this and it took me explaining to him the reasons why we talk about what we learn and also show how him allowing me to talk to the other missionaries would in turn be allowing his stories to better equip everyone. This was something that he was happy with and in a way i think restored some honor. He also wanted to make sure that his name was never used in the culture stories which I assured will from now on be the case. So i can talk about what i learn but just make sure to leave his name out.
But let me say that from now on i will be referring to him as “some guy” when discussing with my co-workers. Because in the end a trusting loving relationship is a better road for giving the gospel than the road that everyone hates being around.
But their is one story that i will never leave out the name… That is the stroy of How Jesus Christ of Nazareth, who is God who came in the Flesh, Died on the Cross for ALL of my sins. That he died and was buried but on the third day he resurrected to life and is now SITTING at the right hand of the Father. And Jesus Chirst says that if i believe in that for my salvation (that is justification, sanctification and glorification) than i to will be called a son of God and will receive from the father a status that is worthy to be with Him. and all this done by faith alone and not by works! And you know who told me this JESUS CHRIST my God and Lord. And “i am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes” -rom 1:16
the yearly recap
Well with 2011 behind us and 2012 at our feet i think its fitting for a recap of what took place.
January – February: These months were busy with us filling out massive amounts of paperwork as we prepared to get work permits, visa’s and passports. We also moved from Moses lake to Royal City, WA where we were able to live with some of the most influential people in our lives!
March – April: Involved traveling to Michigan where i was able to meet with so many people whom we came to know during our time in the Bible School. This was also the first time i stayed away from the family for an extended period. Also during this month we wrapped up some of our paperwork and began what seemed like endless shots for the kiddo’s.
May-July: These were our final months and it involved literally packing away our lives and shipping them away. it was filled with alot of driving and alot of saying goodbye’s. We were really feeling blessed as we were seeing how many people were excited for what God was doing.
August: WE LEFT AMERICA!!! and we arrived safely in PNG. The first days were a major exposure time as i remember sitting in the airport in PNG and feeling overwhelmed as we were in a new world. As i sit here and think about how i knew none of the language and was totally helpless and how i thought about the difficulties ahead yet now the murky waters have settled a little and we are excited to continue on the journey and those difficulties have gave way for more faith in Him.
September – December: Learning language and culture and developing some great relationships with the local’s. God made provisions to be able to begin buying and gathering the items in which we will need when we build our house and begin the ministry that we have been preparing for. We are half way done with language learning and will soon be departing for bush orientation.
In the coming months we will finish national language and culture learning as well as bush orientation and from there we will begin with forming a team of families as well as choosing a location in which we will move. This will be some of the hardest months as we begin to prepare and make decisions that will potentially impact the next 20 or so years.
Well that is the recap and as i think about all of the little details that made all those possible it really encourages me as i know that it wasn’t ever possible by our efforts but by God’s alone.
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a peek into the affects of ones beliefs
It wasn’t long ago that we were in Royal City, WA where we were leading a discussion group on the topic of world view and how they affect who we are. Most of the time we will never know how our deepest beliefs, our worldview, will affect our daily life. Today we sat down with a family who gave us a peek into an area of belief that affected them since they were babies.
In this picture (above) we have 4 generations. Which for many parts of PNG is a rarity as life is not so easy and from what see there is no time of retirement. In fact 1 of the 2 older ladies just returned from the garden. When she emerged from the bush she was carry a bilum (a bag) on her head that was full of potatoes. It is always so impressive as we see this lady who probably is barely over 4 feet tall, mainly because she is always so hunched over, carry so much weight up such steep hills. When she comes to us she is always guided by the loud shouts of her grandson in her native language as she doesn’t not know pidgin. I do not know her age and nor does anyone else at best i can speculate from knowing that her grandson is 30 and her son is said to be in his 50′s (which is hard to believe.) I would say that their is a possibility that she may be in her 70′s but again only a possibility. When she comes close enough to shake your hand you see that both eyes have glassed over and that she doesn’t stare at you but towards you. And when you shake her frail hand that is caked in mud from the mornings work, you notice that her index finger and pinkie finger have both been cut off below the first joint.
this is who i am referring to. below is a picture of the other lady’s hand who has her middle finger and ring finger cut as well…
So do you find yourself asking why or how? I did, honestly every time i look at a missing finger i without a doubt will think back to some shop teacher warning us about playing with power tools and cutting off our finger… but i don’t think that is what happened here. In fact they both lost their fingers when they were babies. That is before they could walk because for them at that point you are a child and no longer a baby. When they were just babies they had lost their parents and a custom in this region of papua new guinea is that if your parent passes away someone (i’m not sure who yet) will cut off one of your fingers for each parent that has died. This is as they refer to “samting nating” what we would say as “its not a big deal.” When Faye heard this she couldn’t help but say “what do you mean its not a big deal, losing a finger is definitely something.” But to many they see this and call it a ritual of morning. Since the action is so closely tied with the death of family members.
On the surface we can see a custom that could be associated with mourning of lost ones but is that as far as it goes? But i wonder what would potentially propel someone to remove the fingers of a child? It is indeed a deep seated belief that is seldom said to outsiders but always known by villagers. You see that at the time of death their is the possibility that the deceased will try and take you with them. What they refer to as “tewel” which is closely related to what we would call “spirits of the dead,” have the ability to find those that our closest to them, in this case their children, and take them with them. Which means that if they are able to latch on to the living, the living will die. Spirits of course have no body and their is nothing you can do to physically fight back. Therefore in defense to this belief they have developed the practice of cutting fingers. They do this in order to trick the spirit into thinking they are dead which will then cause the spirit to leave them alone. They believe that the spirit will be convinced because many times this practice will include the burying of the fingers with the dead which gives more evidence to the fake death or the eating of the fingers by the others which was also something that happened to the dead. Either way the spirit will be fooled and go on its way and you will be safe.
This custom is, in this area of PNG, fading away and if it continues to do so will be forgotten soon. While they may not be removing fingers they still hold to the fear of the spirits power in killing them. Just recently a young man died and his best friend was sent away in order to hide from the spirit. I think that the recent death of a son, later the father and later the father’s mother all in a brief amount of time will only strengthen this view, this belief, this worldview that is literally enslaving them by fear cannot be removed by implementing new laws into their life. In time we have seen the changes of “customs” because of “religions” but a true change in ones world view will only come by the work of God through his Gospel.
Buk Song 56:3-4
God antap Tru,
Taim me pret long wanpela samting, mi bilip strong long yu
Mi save bilip long God na mi tingting long tok tru bilong em. Olsem na mi save litimapim nem bilong en. Mi save bilip long God, na mi no ken pret long wanpela samting. Bai ol man inap mekimwanem samting long mi? Nogat.
Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
