Jason and Shannon Swanson Just another weblog Although our 21 days of “the loving your wife testing time (AKA.. Love Dare)” are just about done now I wanted to pass on some of the highlights to you all so you could be praying. If I had known so many men would be interested and stick it out I would have had you all praying from the beginning. I have been real busy trying to keep this love dare going. Pray the Lord would use this illuminating time to transform marriages in Siawi to God honoring unions. We will finish this 21 day time on Sunday. I think this prayer by Noke on Day 15 of the love dare gives a pretty good glimpse into how the Lord has been using this time to broaden the Siawi men’s mindset on what it means to love their live wives.
“Oh Father Koto. Help us. We are not good at loving our wives. Before we didn’t know what the road of loving our wives was like. We didn’t know how big and hard that road is. Now we know and we are wanting to love them and follow you. But it is hard. We are not strong. But for you nothing is hard. Thank you for our brother here. We didn’t ask him to come and tell us how to love our wives. No, we didn’t say that but you knew we were short (meaning we were lacking in love for our wives). So, you shot Tiesen’s heart and now he is coming and showing us how to love our wives. Day after day he has come in the early morning. And this work is strengthening us. He’s just a man but you are the far-above-all-one. Because of that we ask you to help us. That is all.”
* 38 men are attending including many young single men who want to learn how to love their future wives. These are Ofamo, Mokosiale, Sifeli, Luben, Mak, Jonah, and Tomas. * The first day of the love dare some men from a Sepik tribe (Bifro) came up wanting to let the Siawis know that they were ready for repaying them for the Pandanas fruit they got from them several months ago. This was a temptation to many of the Siawis to stop the love dare and go eat. Kawi, Yineb (and later I heard Mabou was asked as well) were asked to travel to Bifro to have a huge feast of sweet potatoes. Kawi then came to me asking if he could go since his wife was leaving. Yineb was planning on just sending his wife. He had God’s work to do here. I later met with both men to explain that in order to do this God’s work you had to be with your wife. So, if they wanted to go I would allow it but they needed to come back fast. Yineb still wanted to let his wife go by herself. I explained that this work was all going to be directed at your wife. You can’t practice loving on her if she isn’t here at the village. Even after several times of explaining this Yineb was still lost. Finally it took both Kawi and myself to convince him that he couldn’t do this without his wife being near:) * As I was leaving the building with one of the Siawi men on the second day of the love dare he called his wife to him. He then gave her his string bag, bibles, notepad and pen. She didn’t look very pleased and I’ve seen them fight over this very issue before. Today, we were supposed to show our love for our wives by doing something nice for them. By helping them out in a new way that we hadn’t done before. I quickly told this man, “Brother, your road for helping your wife is open and right there. Look, you go take her bag and carry that stuff for her back to your house.” He looked at me and then at his wife and back at me and said, “You want me to go up to her get her bilum and carry it back to the house?” She was getting closer to the church door and almost ready to go outside now. I told him that I was merely putting in the clear a road to serve his wife. He looked back at me and then his wife. And turned his shoulders and looked down at the floor and walked away saying, “I’m not ready yet. Let me consider how to help her first.” * The Lord lead me after the first day to a man who can’t read yet in Siawi. He seems to be a man who looks after his wife well so I asked him if he wanted to come to the class on learning how to love your wife. He said yes but couldn’t read to do the homework. I told him that I was going to be reading everyday what loving your wife each day looks like and what verses from the bible talk about that particular day’s work. It was neat to see Yalemou come the next day to the Love Dare time. * On the second day where men were supposed to help their wives in new/creative ways it was mentioned by several men that if they did what I was talking about (like carry water to the house, help cook sak sak, clean up under their house or carry fire wood-all historically work done only by women) they would get shame. I said yes, the road to loving your wife might be one of getting shame. But let’s remember our example Jesus. Did he take shame for us? Then let’s be willing to take shame for Him. * Some men thought that when they did work for their wives such as cooking the sak sak that wouldn’t be good because their wives would become lazy and just sit around:). (So, it’s okay for you to sit around all day and watch your wife work but she can’t do the same to you? You aren’t to concern yourself with how your wife responds but more importantly helping your wife because that is what God’s word tells us we should be doing). * One man came to me and said he helped his wife with the cooking of the sak sak. He did okay with the actually cooking of the sak sak and mixing it with water. But when it came time to turn the sak sak or cut it and pull it out of the pot with sticks he kept dropping it. His wife told him to go outside because he didn’t know what he was doing. I did alright he said:). * On the third day men were encouraged to show their love for their wives by “giving” them something. You could make something with your hands or give them their favorite garden food or give them the best piece of meat from an animal you shoot. Or if you don’t have any food right now you can come to our house and do a little work and use the pay to buy your wife some food. Several men came to our house and traded food with us for some noodle soup packets which they like to mix with their vegetables. Generally men only want to trade things for batteries. And each of these men told me they were getting the food for their wives. * Some men asked what they should do when they gave food to only their wives and their children began crying and getting angry because they didn’t get any food. I told them to use it as a teaching time like Ephesians says. Teach your children that you love your wife and that is why you are looking after her. Christ gave up his body for us children and so I like Him, am giving some of my food to your mom. * “What if I decide to get her something from town later? Can I wait until then?” Malakai remarked. Hoping to get out of today’s rather difficult love dare. “That is a great thinking. Listen. Later, when you go to Town don’t forget about your wife. Buy something for her then. And give her something today too. Do both.” * The next day I was talking with Malakai again and he said something about giving his wife a shirt. Apparently there was a shirt he got from Town that his wife really liked and before she asked him if she could have it. He said no. But yesterday, the Spirit reminded of this and he went up to her and gave it to her. He told me it went something like this. “ Here. Take this.” His wife then looks at the shirt and says , “Are you giving this to me?” He says, “Yes, but if you don’t want I’ll keep it.” His wife then says, “No way. I like this shirt. I’m taking it.” * The next day again had more to do with helping your wife and showing her your love through your actions. I encouraged the guys to again help their wives with carrying fire wood or cooking sak sak or washing the dishes. The next day Beiyem told me he was very tired cause he was busy cooking sak sak and doing the dishes and carrying two loads of firewood to the house. * The next day had to do with speaking kind words to your wife so I was having the Siawi men telling their wives good things about them. I told them to tell their wives they make good sak sak. I said if your wife makes sak sak that isn’t all sticky(that would be the equivalent of a meal done right)- then tell her she did a good job making the sak sak. If you wife doesn’t hit your children in anger today tell her she followed God’s talk well about not spanking your children in anger. After I read the verse and challenged everyone with their speech the room became very quiet. I asked everyone what was wrong. Finally, one man said, “Tiesen, we don’t talk like that. We don’t say sweet talk to our wives. That isn’t our way.” “Okay then”, I said. “Starting today let’s work on changing that. With God’s help you can say a kind word to your wife. I know you can. Let’s see what happens.” * Other days were similar days finding the men loving their wives through not answering back in anger or too quickly. Then we had one full day where they were supposed to practice just “listening” to their wives. There was another day where they were supposed to help their wives before they asked them for help. About this time somesone said. “my wife asked me today what I was doing. Why I was helping her all the time. Tiesen, what am I supposed to say to her? We’re supposed to keep this work we’re doing hidden, right? I don’t want to tell her this is a class:).” I told the young man to tell her you are trying to follow God’s straight road. Tell her you are glad she is the wife God gave you. Tell her you have no plans to get a second wife. You are fine with just her. You are trying to love her and that means helping her. Tell her somehting like that. * When I said that someone else said , “Oh it’s that sweet talk again we’re supposed to be giving our wives.” This is hard work. Day after day helping our wives. And my wife doesn’t notice. * Another man said yes, my wife hasn’t noticed but my kids have. They have asked others what I am doing. Why am I helping out ladies? * A man with several wives voiced his frustration. “For me, it’s like this. When I try to do something for one wife the other wife’s children get mad at me. They say stop doing that for her and help our mom. The road for loving my wives is never easy for me.” * On one of the days around day 12 they were supposed to do some work together. Work together with your wife in the garden or something but do it together. The next day one man said. “Yep, we went to the garden. Actually I arrived at the garden after her and the kids. She worked over there and I worked over here. I finished my side of the work early and went home. She came home after I did. That’s what I did but I don’t think that is what you meant is it? You wanted us to work the garden together. But we don’t do that. Maybe we shouldn’t call this part of the garden mine and that part her’s? Is that what you are saying?” That was a huge statement. The Siawis are always micromanaging their garden food. Only the husband can eat his planted food. It was neat to see them seeing that maybe they could begin to garden with everyone in mind. * Another man said. “I’ve got some talk about the garden. Yes, I go to the garden but I always fill my wife’s string bag with all the heavy bananas I can. And the papayas. I don’t want to carry them because they are heavy. I let her carry the heavy stuff home and then I eat it. (he laughs then looks down in shame) But now I am thinking that isn’t the way of loving our wives is it? Making them do all the heavy work. Is that something else that we should be changing? Wow, brother Tiesen we really don’t know about this way of loving our wives. This is all a new thing for us.” * A couple days later another man said. “What about the way we let our wives carry all the firewood, the children and a bilum full of food on the airstrip when we’re walking home. Is that okay, when all we are carrying is our knife? That seems to fall short too.(meaning isn’t good)” * On day 15 the men were encouraged to spend some time in prayer with their wives only. That sparked all sorts of comments. “My kids are always in the way. I don’t think I can do that without them messing up our time.” Another man said that he and his wife pray at night after they give their kids some food and water and they are all sleepy. * Another man wanted to know exactly how you pray. “Does your wife take some prayers and then you take some. Or am I supposed to be the only one to pray.” Great question, I said. I guess it depends on your wife. You need to get to the place where you are both praying. But maybe your wife will be ashamed to pray with at first. What do you guys think? Many men said their wives wouldn’t be willing to pray with them. Then you teach her how for the first couple of times and let her know you won’t laugh at her or anything. God desires us to pray to Him. * A couple days later some of the men started talking about how their prayer time with their wives was going. Yalemou man said his wife didn’t want to pray with him. She was too tired. Well, maybe she was tired from doing sak sak, did you try the next night? Yes, he said. I have asked her for 3 days now and she doesn’t want to pray and she doesn’t want me to talk about God’s word either. (Pray for Yalemou and his wife). * On day 17 we talked about how love gives sacrficially. I encouraged the guys to give their wives something of theirs that their wife didn’t have. I wasn’t sure this would go well. After all, the Siawis have almost nothing to call their own. And yet I knew of many men who sleep on mattresses or inside mosquito nets or with bed sheets while their wives and kids are left with nothing. Many men started saying things like this. “Oh we don’t have many things. We don’t have multiple bed sheets or mosquito nets. We have only one. We are people from inside the bush (meaning we aren’t the rich city people). If I give something that will leave me with nothing.” * The next day different men were saying how they didn’t do yesterday’s love test. They thought about it but didn’t do it. Then Yaniwi said this. “Oh last night I was wanting to sleep but I couldn’t lie. I knew it was there. So I opened up the box and gave my wife the bed sheet that was hidden. You know the one we got from the Government.” * Later on Mesiau came to my office and said this. “Yesterday I didn’t understand what you meant about giving my wife something. Did you mean food or water for her to drink or what? We each have a mosquito net and a bed sheet. Then as I was leaving the church building the Spirit told me to give her my extra battery for her flashlight. So, I gave it to her. I told her that I was happy that God had given her to me. I told her Tiesen didn’t tell me to give this to you. The Spirit shot my heart. This is how you walk the loving your wife road. She took the flashlight and her eyes brightened up. She was pleased.”
