Throughout the last several months we have been through a lot emotionally, spiritually and physically. Sometimes we thought we had exceeded our breaking point, but through the grace of God and several of our friends from church, Arizona and a family or two in the Philippines we have been able to pull through. And because of a group of incredibly generous friends in Alaska we were sent to a retreat center at the foot of Pikes Peak in Colorado, SonScape Retreats. For an entire week we were treated like royalty, given the best they could offer. The organization is set up to provide counseling, help and healing to ministry persons who have been drug through the mud. We, along with 3 other couples were shown to our rooms, beautiful rustically decorated cabins with an incredible view of Pikes Peak from our couch, and the hot tub just outside of our door. Each day we spent a few hours with the group talking about specific things that our counseling couple, highly trained, would teach us. Then in the afternoon we spent 2 on 2 time with them talking about our specific issues in our lives and ministries. If it wasn’t our scheduled time, we were given free time to read, pray, wander the mountains or whatever we wanted. Jonie and I took much of our time reading scripture, books on keeping our dreams alive, forgiveness, my personal study of the life of King David, and being still and silent hearing whatever the Lord would like to tell us.
By the end of the week we were free of the bondage that certain people held on our lives. We were renewed in our vision and calling, refreshed in our physical state, and reconnected with God in a way that we would never have had outside of this place of discipleship.
One of the most incredible days was a Day of Prayer. I was able to hike a mile or so out into the snowy mountain trail. Once I found a quiet place where I couldn’t hear any cars, barking dogs or anything besides birds and wind, I hunkered down against a rock. The 20 degree day was bright and clear with a little bit of wind. As I sat there and began to get into my quiet place, so many things were running through my mind that I couldn’t concentrate on not concentrating. I needed to fill my mind with the things of the Lord and release the things of this world. After taking some pictures, collecting some wood for my small fire and eating a bit of lunch, I was able to come down to a place where I could be still and hear God.
At first I was praying, but that didn’t last long. Soon it wasn’t much of a prayer, but very much a conversation. There was a reverence, but now putting wood on the fire or opening a pack of crackers didn’t distract me from my talk with the Lord any more than it would if I was camping with a buddy. He was just there, and it wasn’t just me talking non-stop like we do in church. An observation here, a thought there. It was great.
I read a few recommended chapters in Psalms. Though I learned a lot more than I will write here, one thing I found to be quite applicable. Psalm 65:3, “My iniquities are ever before me, as for our transgressions, You will purge them away.” Earlier I had a moment of panic when I felt that God isn’t listening to me. My sin has separated me from Him. There could be no restitution. Immediately I calmed when I heard this verse with my own ears from my own mouth. My sin will always be reminded to me. My guilt, Satan reminding me of my short comings, several things could remind me of the things that I’ve done wrong in my life, even that very day. In this state, there is no hope for me. But the rest of the verse brought a thrill to my heart, my transgressions will be purged away!
All these things that threaten to separate me from the love of Christ are just that, an idle threat. My sins are gone. Purged. In my line of work, the word “purge” brings a vivid mental image. I think of a fuel tank in a jet. That jet takes Jet A fuel, basically kerosene to operate. It burns so slowly that it takes high pressure to make it explode in a controlled environment where it will turn the turbine blades propelling the aircraft safely through the sky. 100 Octane Aviation Gasoline, AvGas, will do the same thing at a much lower pressure with a much more explosive burn in a piston engine aircraft. But if you put that same AvGas in the jet there would be a catastrophic explosion that would injure or kill everyone on or near that aircraft.
If, by mistake, a fueler puts the wrong fuel in the aircraft a purge must be done. Not just a flush where you trickle some good fuel through. First, all the contaminated fuel must be removed. Every last drop. Then, after opening the tank you need to mop up whatever remaining fuel is left in little puddles in the tank. This may require you to jam your body into a small hole, wearing a gas mask with oxygen being supplied to you directly. The fumes are toxic. Deadly. But it’s required to risk your health and life to make sure all the fuel is removed. Finally, the tank is shut up and good fuel is pumped through the tank until the mechanic is certain all the bad stuff is gone. It’s a time consuming, expensive mess but necessary for the greater good. Just like our life. These things happen to us because we are filled with sin, iniquity, transgressions. But God is in the process of purging that out of us. This isn’t an afternoon project. He’s going to devote a huge amount of time, personally donning the mask and mopping up the bad stuff in our lives to clean us up. To do a good job will require a lifetime of work. But eventually we will be standing before Him the person that He wanted us to become, imperfect on earth but pure holiness in eternity.
